Why I Put Myself In Time Out

I married the love of my life at 32 years old.  That’s 32 years of spending my time how I wanted.  When I would get off from work, I could go home and just watch TV, I could go work out or I could hang out with friends.  With no other responsibilities, if I wanted to detail my car or go see that movie, I would. Even after getting married, my wife and I could pretty much still do all of these things.  

When we went searching for the house we are in now, I remember my wife with a huge smile on her face, say “This is the one!”  There was this smell that our house had.  It wasn’t a new house, but I would call it a new house smell.  It was so peaceful and quiet.  I remember one day, just after we got married, we sat in our living room and opened all of the cards and gifts from our friends and family.  We had the back doors open and there was a breeze blowing.  And we just sat there with no TV on, talking about what our life was going to be like as we opened all the gifts and cards.

Man, did things change!  About a year later we had our daughter, Gracie and our life would no longer be about my wife and me.  The new house smell would start to smell like dirty diapers.  That peace and quiet would be changed out for crying.  I was somewhat of a clean freak, and even with one kid, it’s pretty easy to maintain a somewhat clean house.  But then Truett came, and then Liam.  I kept asking my wife “where are these kids coming from?”  Before I knew it, there were three bundles of joy.  

My hardwood floors became flooded with legos, superheroes, and princesses.  The TV was on a lot more, but not with my favorite shows.  There were constant reruns of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Handy Manny.  I once had my own music room.  Now I have a corner in my wife’s closet.  In any given day, I would hear crying, laughing, fighting, yelling and belching which was my boys learning from me how to burp on command.  As a father, I want to pass down to them the things in life that matter.  I now had these little creatures asking me at all times, “Daddy, will you play with me?”, “Can we go outside?”, “Can I have a band-aid?” and the one I hear now more than ever, “Can I have a snack?”  “You’ve eaten 5 times and it’s not even 11 am and you want a snack?”  

There was no solitude.  I would try to go the bathroom and within seconds I would see little fingers creeping through the bottom of the door and a little voice say….  

“Daddy….um….um….can we go look for worms?”

I always found myself trying to do the things I did before our kids were born.  I’d sit down to watch the news, but it would be interrupted with my son pooping in the hallway.  I would get on the floor to do some push-ups, and one of my kids would sit on my head and stick his finger in my ear.  What happened?  I just wanted to be an adult and do grown-up things.  But these guys wouldn’t let me.  

Was this what I signed up for?  

And you know what?  It was exactly what I signed up for.  I had to make a decision.  How was I going to spend my time? Did I want to constantly resist this little army of love that was right in front of me in order to get some “me” time?  Did I want to watch a few hours of TV and then only to play with my kids for 5 minutes?  

Now I’m not perfect and I still have times when I just need to unwind.    But from the moment a baby is born, they are learning how to become independent.  And with every step, birthday party, lost tooth and a host of other things, the less they need me.  I’ll get my peace back one day when my kids are all grown up and moved out.  The ironic thing is that I will miss the noise, the mess, the never poop alone thing.  

So I decided to put myself in time out for the next 15 years.  That’s right.  At least from all of the “me” things, I want to do.  I’ll still go to work, put the kids to bed at 8 pm and I am sure I’ll have some “me” time ever so often.  But I’m making a conscience effort to put me on hold.  Because right now, they crave my attention.  My daughter does not want me on my phone when she is trying to show me something she just learned.  She’ll say “No Facebooking daddy!”  My boys want me to play superheroes and once they decide which character I am, my oldest son will tell me, “I just took all your powers!” and my youngest son will say “Daddy, I’m on your team.”  Does he not realize that I no longer have powers?  Right now, to them, I’m awesome!  I’m strong and fast.  Everything I say and do makes them laugh.  

I’ve heard about the teen years.  When the mom and dad are considered nerds.  The kids think you’re stupid and that at the old age of fifteen, they know everything.  And I know about the parents trying to hang out with their teenager, but all the kid wants to do is sit in their room and talk on the phone.  When those days arrive, I will miss how much they wanted to hang out with me.  So I don’t want to get it backward.  I don’t want it to be that while they are young and crave my attention, I try to revert back to how I lived before I had kids.  Only to one day have them think of me as a dork for wanting to spend time with them when they are teens.  Because right now, they want to be with me at all times.  They want me to play with their toys.  They want to sit on my lap.  What a privilege.  So maybe.  Just maybe if I invest with them now, those teen years might not be so bad.

What things will you miss when your kids are all grown up?