One Thing Every Parent Must Do

Our family is very close.  

We eat together.  We sit around the table and talk about what happened at school and work. Sometimes we even cook together.  Is our kitchen clean? No.  Is there cereal on the ground?  Actually, as of right now, yes.  Does our dining room have all of the expensive China set out with all of the silverware in place?  Um, no.  Here’s how dinner goes:

I take my arm and move it from right to left to clear the table for supper.

My wife yells out “It’s time to eat!”

Three bites in, someone remembers to pray.

We go places together.  Whether it’s the store, to church, or an after school event, you will usually find us together.  

At home, we play together.  We watch tv together.  We even dance together. No one ever goes to bed without hearing the words “I love you.”  

But I realized that even though we were together a lot, and that we were very close, something was missing.

One on one time with each child is one of the most important lessons I have ever learned as a parent!

We have three kids.  And there is a very real thing called sibling rivalry.  I remember when Gracie was born.  She received undivided attention from the both of us. When it was time to play, she had the both of us without any interruptions.  Story time was solely for her.  But then her brothers came, and our attention to her dwindled.    

Now our focus was split three ways and not to mention the demands of work, cleaning the house and spending time with the person I married.

I took my youngest for a walk one day in our neighborhood.  I realized how much more responsive he was to everything I said.  There was no struggle for my attention.  He already had it.

You only have a certain amount of time on this earth.  And nothing says you care more about a person than when you give them your undivided attention and time.  In relationship terms, hours or even minutes can create exponential growth with that person. So we have decided to give each child in our family individual time as often as we can.  This means I do something with just me and one of my kids.   There will be times that Lindsey and I will be together with one child, but the key here is undivided attention with one parent.  

Here are some rules to go by:

• Find a way to carve out time.  If it’s once a week or once a month, make the time a priority.  In hindsight, my child is not going to remember how often we had one on one time.  They will remember that we were together.
• Get out of the house.  You want them to know that no one is going to interrupt your time with them.
• Give options to the little ones.  I have three kids.  My nine year old will want to do something within reason.  My four year old said he wanted to go to Paris.  So for the little ones, you may have to reign them in a little and give them some options that you know they will want to do. 
• Don’t go see a movie.  It’s you, your child and a giant movie screen.  Two hours later, you head home.  Think outside the box.  Do something that you’ve never done together.  Your child might not be able to think of anything.  Tap into something you know they’ll love.
• No phones.  The idea is to let them know that this is their time and no one else’s.  It’s all about them.
• Enter their world.  Every parent should know that you’re a parent first and a friend second.  But this is a time to take the parenting hat off for a while and show them a more laid back side.  
• Speak to their character.  When you are one on one with your child, they are like a sponge, soaking up everything you say.  Most times I find myself complimenting them on their accomplishments.  We tell them they are doing good in school or that they played really great at soccer.  But this can be a time to talk about their character.  Tell them about how you have noticed how kind they are or that you see how they try and do the right thing.  Speak to their courage or the compassion you see in them.  

When I spend individual time with one of my kids, I usually get that perfect child that I’m always looking for them to be.  It’s because there’s no rivalry, no competition, and no interruptions.   Before you know it, they’ll be out of the house and on their own.  So give them the best gift you have.  Give them your time. 

How do you spend quality time with your kids?