10 Ways To Get Your Kids To Tell You Everything

So are you dying to know the 10 ways to get your kids to tell you everything?

Have you ever asked your child how their day went at school?  Then the only response you get is an eye roll and these words:  “It was fine!…..”   

It only gets worse, the older they get.  The teen years, in particular, are when they really clam up.  You’ve watched your teens talk with their friends.  They talk so fast and seem to communicate all too well.  You realize they can text with two thumbs faster than you can speak.  The irony is that when they talk to you, the one who gave them life, put a roof over their head and got them that phone, it seems that the only three words that come out of their mouth are “meh,” “I don’t know” or “whatever.”

So we know kids aren’t losing communication skills when they get older.  They are at an all-time high!  What’s going on?  

As any good parent, we want to know every nook and cranny of our kids’ lives, all of the passwords to every social account, install apps on their phone that track their every move and full access to their diary.  Even better, follow them around every moment of their lives.

The reality is that there will be times that you won’t be around.  And your kids will be in a situation where they have to make……………wait for it…………………decisions on their own.  They will have to use their own judgment when it comes to relationships, alcohol, sex and everything else under the sun that can railroad their lives.  What can we do as parents to trust that they will make the right decisions?  What can we do to make that little cloud pop up in their head with our face at a critical moment in their lives? 

Imagine a world, when your son is thinking about getting a girlfriend, but talks to you first.  Wow!  Or your daughter wants to go to a party with her friends, but wants to see what you think.  Say what?!

I have put together 10 ways to get your kids to tell you everything.  Well, at least 90% of everything.  

        1.  Love is the Foundation – Let your kids know that you love them no matter what.   Nothing they do can make you not love them.  These words need to be verbalized.  They may look at you like you’re from a different planet.  But trust me that of all the words you could say to them in their lifetime, those are the words they will never forget.  If they know that you love them despite the things they have done, they are much more likely to talk to you about them or even better, before they do them.   

        2.  Everything Revolves Around Trust – Even when they are little, make the conversation about trust when it comes to how they behave.  For example, when my son goes to the bathroom, he is supposed to wash his hands.  I tell him, “Make sure you wash your hands.”  And then I tell him that I trust that he will do it.  This carries much more weight with him as opposed to saying “You better wash your hands or you’re in big trouble!”  Both phrases will get the job done, but he will learn that I am trusting him and he doesn’t want to break that trust.  As a teen, he will have years of trust that he has built up with me.  So when he wants to go hang out with his friends, I can say “Yes, I trust that you will make good decisions.”  When a child knows they are trusted, that doesn’t mean they won’t make mistakes.  But it will carry much more weight when they do.  When they do break your trust, you can take a step back and restrict some of their freedom.  With more trust comes more freedom.  

       3.  Never Get Upset – This is a hard one.  When your son or daughter confides in you, you can get upset all you want inside your head.  But be cautious of showing how upset you are to them.  When we are upset, we usually say things we shouldn’t.  This can unravel any headway you have made in your relationship.  This isn’t to say that they don’t have consequences when they mess up.  But hearing what they have to say and handing out punishment with a cool head will let them know that they messed up and they are paying for it.  It’s as simple as that.  Next time they make a mistake, they are more likely to come clean because they know you won’t lose your cool.

       4.  Don’t Snoop – This is a harder one.  Now I know there can be times your child is in danger.  Then by all means, snoop!  Get in your helicopter and hover.  But kids need privacy within reason.  The less you can snoop, the better.  Nothing says “I don’t trust you” like snooping.  For some parents, this is a reality.  You have to watch your child’s every move because you have zero trust.  But as trust builds, so should some of their privacy.  

       5.  Show Interest In the Little Things – If you show that you care about the little things they like such as hobbies, songs or a TV show, they are more likely to talk to you about the big things.  They may think your weird at first, but that will fade with time.  Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”  That’s true with your kids as well.  

      6.  Tell Them Stories About When You Were Young – Your kids may not know you, at least the young version of you.  Talk about your mistakes, failures and successes.  Talk about your relationships or bad decisions you made.  Don’t turn it into a life lesson for them either.  Just tell them about you so they can connect with the kid in you as opposed to the adult.  My kids remember everything I have ever told them about when I was young.  

        7.  It Stays With You – Our kids live in a world of gossip.  They don’t need to see it from their parents.  If you spill the beans on what they tell you, there goes the trust.  Other than your spouse, they should be able to confide in you.

        8.  Ask Them For Advice – You read that right.  You’re human.  You make mistakes.  Now when you ask for advice on a situation, you may need to take the answer with a grain of salt or it could just be brilliant advice.  Either way, you are strengthening the bond with your kids.  

        9.  There’s No Such Thing As Secrets – This is especially true with little ones.  Kids and even teens can think it’s fun to keep secrets, but it can be ones that are harmful to them.  Let them know that you trust them and that means that there doesn’t need to be any secrets.  And if there are secrets, they can openly talk about them.

        10.  Start When They Are Young – Now if your kids are already pre-teen and up, don’t let this scare you off.  There’s still hope!   All of the other tips will make a huge difference.   However, if you can start instilling these tips at a young age, it is more likely that it will continue on into the teen years.

Being a parent is one of the most important things you will ever do in life.  And the rewards are incredible if you can develop trust between both of you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Jg1fz-rqYY

How do you build trust with your kids?

If you enjoyed this read, maybe you will like this one as well.